How to say “no” at work this holiday season

Close your eyes and picture this: In the days leading up to Thanksgiving, kitchens everywhere hold abundant feast ingredients—from turkeys to pie crusts and everything in between. You receive a Slack message from a team member the day before Thanksgiving requesting your attendance at a meeting. Now you’re wondering how you will attend that 3 pm meeting and get to the grocery store to pick up your last-minute items. 

Thanksgiving comes and goes, but your calendar doesn’t look emptier. It looks worse. You schedule time to cut down your Christmas tree, need to plan for your kids’ holiday parties (do they have to be on separate days?!), forgot to respond to your teammate about that meeting tomorrow that you can’t attend because you have another meeting, need to figure out what day your parents are landing in town, and need to check in on that project that your team must complete by the end of the year.

The following week is more of the same: family festivities, random requests via Slack, meeting invites that make you wonder, “Was this really for me?” and upcoming PTO that feels more like an unrealistic dream.

It’s the most wonderful time of year, but it doesn’t always feel that way as calendar chaos creeps in. Between end-of-year planning, holiday festivities, and personal commitments, requests to give our time away are endless.

Protecting your time and showing up intentionally is the best way to protect yourself from a calendar that sucks the joy out of the season. We can help (because you deserve to enjoy it).

5 reasons to decline a meeting invite this holiday season

Thinking about declining a meeting invite (or many invites) this holiday season? Here are some reasons to consider doing so:

1. You’re just too busy.

A packed schedule is more than reason enough to decline a meeting invite. Say it with us: “I’m too busy, and I’m in control of my calendar and how I spend my time!” 

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking someone else might be busier than you. Or you might feel guilty because others are making time to attend the meeting even though their calendars look packed. Don’t worry about them; worry about you. Only you can determine what “too busy” looks and feels like this holiday season. 

2. You have a scheduling conflict. 

Our favorite way to describe end-of-year calendar chaos is “meetings on meetings on meetings.” Somehow, they seem to pile on (and do so quickly). You can (and should) decline a meeting for the sake of attending another one, especially if it’s critical to your work. Again, how you navigate scheduling conflicts and determine which meeting to go to is personal to you, but if you’ve hit the middle of the road and aren’t sure where you need to be, ask yourself these questions:

Start with: What’s the impact of missing each meeting?

And then…

• Which meeting involves more urgent or time-sensitive decisions?
• Can I delegate attendance for one of these meetings? If so, which one? 
• Which of these meetings aligns more with my department’s priorities?
• Can I offer insight into one of these topics asynchronously? 
• Which meeting has a clear agenda and defined outcomes? 

3. You’re focused on other priorities.

Your to-do list is (likely) about as full as it can get this time of year. There’s a lot to wrap up (at work and to put under the tree), and it’s okay if you receive a meeting invite that doesn’t align with your priorities and need to turn it down. 

Be ruthless with your prioritization. Use whatever methods work best for you, be it a daily Eisenhower Matrix ritual, an end-of-day (for tomorrow) time-blocking routine, or anything in between. Don’t forget to identify your key objectives as they relate to your company and team goals. Use this information to guide your decision-making and let go of the rest. 

4. You’re not the right person to attend.

Especially in cultures where openness and transparency are core values, meeting invites fly left and right in a well-spirited attempt to be inclusive. Two things can be true: you can appreciate the intention and not attend the meeting because it isn’t a good fit for you. 

If you aren’t the right person to attend a meeting, that’s totally cool. Maybe you know and can recommend a colleague better suited to add value to the conversation. 

5. You have a personal commitment.  

This time of year is an ongoing balancing act between work and personal commitments. But here’s the deal: it’s also time you can never get back. Your commitments are valid, and no one can (or will) protect your personal schedule more than you.

If you hesitate to decline meetings for personal reasons, please remember that your kiddos will only be at this age for so long, your parents are getting older, and your loved ones matter most. Others will understand. 

How to decline meetings (in 3 easy steps)

You know you need to decline a meeting for one or more of the reasons listed, and now you want to make sure you do it in a way that keeps the holiday joy in the air. Here’s what you should do:

1. Commit to why you can’t attend the meeting.

Too busy? Meeting conflict? Personal commitment? Your reason is valid. If you are going to decline a meeting, understand your reasoning so you can be crystal clear about your decision not to attend. Plus, your reason can help you plan your response.

2. Decide whether you will suggest another colleague attend.

Let’s assume the meeting is happening whether you attend it. When it makes sense, you can (and should) suggest another teammate participate in your place to keep things moving and prevent a bottleneck. 

Depending on your team's communication and working styles, if you believe another colleague is a better fit for a meeting, consider reaching out to them before suggesting their name to the meeting organizer. Use your best judgment here. 

3. Craft your message (and add some holiday flair‌!) 

You know you won’t attend a meeting. You have a reason or two you can’t participate that you can clearly articulate. Maybe you’re suggesting another colleague take your place, perhaps not (the latter is okay, too!). 

Now, it’s time to draft your response. The best part? Again, depending on your company culture, team, and relationships with your colleagues, you might even add some holiday flair to your message to keep things light and fun. 

Email templates for declining a meeting invite during the holidays

Protecting your time with a dash of holiday flair looks like this:

This time of year can bog you down, and it will if you don’t protect your time (and joy). Don’t let calendar chaos get the best of you! For more email templates that will help you put more “no” in your November (and beyond), visit our resource center. 

The holidays are coming, but chaos is optional. You deserve a calendar that doesn’t suck the joy out of the season. 

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